Hello, dear ones!
Here I am again, back to Cranberry Tree after an absence of a year and a half. However does one catch up after that long?
Well, first I’m glad to be back to this format. I had been posting on the Substack platform for awhile, but find my trusty old blog right here feels more like home. My Substack posts are still there if you’re interested in taking a look. Or perhaps you followed me there and now you're here.
At any rate, I just reread my last post here, written right after my beloved husband passed, and of course now there are tears running down my cheeks as I relive those last days. I’ve been learning a lot about grief since then and what I’ve learned is that it can’t be learned (insert chuckle). It has to be felt, over and over and over. The tears have to flow again and again and again. And you need to realize one sure thing: no one can feel the pain you feel. No. one.
But I have done a few things that have helped me along the way. I joined a grief support group at my church where there are others who let you know you’re not alone; I talk to my family and my dear friends and find them always ready to listen; and lastly, I have become involved in volunteering at my church. I assist in the office, help with special projects and produce their monthly newsletter. This has changed my life in such a positive way as I move into a new and different direction without my life’s mate. I have a new purpose, can dust off old skills and feel useful and appreciated. I am grateful for that.
I know people, perhaps you, too, struggle with what to say to a person grieving. I guess my advice is not to be at all reluctant to talk about the deceased, say their name, tell stories and share remembrances. Don’t hesitate for a moment to do this—it’s not awkward as you might think, but affirms that your loved one is remembered, that their life mattered. If you are part of a couple, please don’t forget to include us widows and widowers in your plans. We are feeling alone and missing those times together with you as couples.
And this…was not at all what I had intended to write today but it seems to have taken on a life of its own.
I’ll close with a portion of the lyrics to a song I listen to very often at night. It is both comforting and affirming to me.
