Moving on

So, where do I go from here?

Donna Ashworth, the author of so many of the writings that have spoken to me through the last 16 months, reminds me that I might just as well make friends with grief and carry her with me. And it’s getting to be more okay as time goes on. I was told early on, when my heart and soul felt raw, that the edges of that pain would soften but I didn’t believe it for one moment. It is a paralyzing feeling that you can’t envision ever changing.

But it does. Those raw edges do soften. And when that starts to happen, you know you won’t be swallowed up in the abyss and life has been waiting for you.

And you start to live again.

My son and daughter-in-law invited and treated me to a ten-day trip to the island of Maui last spring. The beauty of the island and the time spent with them, which included my two granddaughters, was the balm my soul needed. I saw that there was joy, laughter, delight and love all around me. I am so grateful to them for their generous gift. A life’s surprise for sure.

Younger granddaughter in awe of the big turtle.

And now, I write this from Arizona where I am spending another winter season. Thinking after I sold our park model here last spring, that would be the end of my Arizona winters, my neighbor, 89 years old, a snowbird from South Dakota, had a nasty fall resulting in a broken hip. She and her family members thought perhaps she shouldn’t be staying here alone anymore. The thought of spending winters in South Dakota where she couldn’t be active and get out to walk was a dismal prospect for her.

Enter me.

“Why, I could come stay with you,” I piped up during a visit. And just like that a plan was formed and here I am, back on J Street, right here in Mesa, Arizona, with my familiar neighbors. Another one of life’s surprises for me to enjoy.

And surprises just continue to come, the more I notice and welcome them in. I’m amazed at what life unfolds for me. 

I hope the same is true for you.

Older granddaughter in awe of the ocean.

 Thank you, God. Your mercies are new every day. 

The C-word revisits

Back in 2014, I posted that my husband, George, was diagnosed with bladder cancer. It was alarming because he had no symptoms; it was found during a routine physical when something was flagged in his bloodwork. It led to a cystoscopy, several types of scans and tests, and ultimately the removal of his bladder and a urostomy bag for urine output. It was a rough surgery and a lengthy recovery. 

But after some trial and error and a few complications, he made it through and adjusted to the urine bag. He continued to have checkups at regular intervals, first very often, then every three months, then six, then yearly. When he reached the five-year mark, the scans continued to be clear and the doctor pronounced him cancer-free.

Fast forward to 2022.

What we thought was completely gone was a little too good to be true. In February, while we were in Arizona, George became very ill with nausea, constant diarrhea, chills, and loss of appetite resulting in a drastic loss of weight. Emergency room visits, hospitalizations, numerous doctor visits and scans became routine. He was diagnosed and treated for diverticulitis but nothing that was prescribed seemed to help. I couldn't imagine trying to get him back home to Minnesota where our regular medical care was. I really thought we were stuck in Arizona and my husband wasn't getting any better.

When we told our kids we just couldn't risk coming home, my son took charge, flew to Arizona to help close up the park model and get us packed, booked our airline travel, arranged for wheelchairs, and single-handedly managed George so I was quite literally just along for the ride. God bless him. 

Once home in Minnesota, we headed to the local hospital emergency room and George was admitted to the hospital. Another CT scan revealed a rather good-sized and suspicious-looking mass adjacent to the colon. A colonoscopy was ordered but was unsuccessful because the scope couldn't get past a certain point to get near the mass. George continued to get weaker and the decision was made to move him to a nearby transitional care unit. Another colonoscopy was ordered, this time at the University of Minnesota, and again, after an hour of trying, it was unsuccessful in reaching the mass to get a biopsy.

Finally, it was decided to try a needle biopsy by going to the site through the skin. Enough tissue was obtained to analyze and the results were not what we'd hoped, although admittedly we both had a gut feeling. The diagnosis was urothelial cancer. It was thought that when we assumed he was cancer-free, some nasty cells had crept their way up to the area just beside the descending colon. 

And now we have an oncologist to add to our medical team.

The next step was a PET scan and that, too, resulted in more unwelcome news. The cancer was seen in multiple lymph nodes. The oncologist, however, was glad to see it hadn't invaded the liver or other organs and we decided we'd take any shred of positive news we could get.

Why did I give you all this detailed background information? 

So many wonderful people including family, friends, relatives, neighbors and acquaintances have been asking about George's progress. So I thought about starting a CaringBridge site to keep everyone informed and updated. Then I remembered I have a blog!  So I'll use this way to update and let you know when there's a new post.

Next steps?

Next week a port will be implanted and a series of immunotherapy infusions will begin once every three weeks taking us to the end of September.  We're told there will be another CT scan in between to check his progress and, of course, more visits to the oncologist. 

But there are more fish 🐠 to be caught, more outdoor exploring to do, more cribbage games 🎴 to play, and much more doting on grandchildren and great-grandchildren. 

We are more than ready to hit the START button. 

Your prayers and positive thoughts are more than welcome.   🙏🙏

Thank you for reading my random thoughts.  
If you choose to join as a follower, I would be thrilled.

Unexpected wonders

It's the greatest thing to discover something new when you're not expecting it.  That happened just last week.

Granddaughter Heidi and husband, Chris, came from Las Vegas to Mesa for their annual President's Day weekend visit. Besides loving to be with them for three wonderful days, we try to experience some new adventure each time.

One year it was Saguaro National Park and the Sonora Desert Museum in Tucson; last year Tortilla Flats, nestled in the Tonto National Forest/Superstition Mountain Range and from there, Goldfield Ghost Town. Heidi memorialized our adventures with photo albums for us, and we frequently re-live them through the colorful pages.

Two years ago, it rained all weekend so our "adventure" consisted of discovering new places to shop. Gallant Chris dropped us off at the store's doorway as he braved the elements to park the car and sprint inside dripping wet. Once inside, we explored everything there was to see, then ventured to the next indoor place.

But we've been rewarded with perfect weather weekends ever since. This year was the best and even allowed us to eat a steak dinner out on our new deck.

This year's "adventure" was a drive to Globe, a town in a higher elevation about 45 miles east of Mesa. The drive itself was the adventure since the highway is bordered by shimmering rock and steep mountain hills.

Just outside Globe, we saw a roadside sign, Tonto National Monument. Our curiosity aroused, we decided to check it out.

Turning left and up the mountain road about 17 miles, we came to the site. Looking down, you could see the valley; looking up, the beautiful mountainous hills. And there in the hills were two cave dwellings, an upper one and a lower one. As we later learned, the caves were home to the ancient Hohokam (550 A.D.) and later the Salado Indians (1150) who built small villages in the hills.

Both dwellings, upper and lower, can be toured today. Three of us (admittedly, I stayed behind) toured the lower dwelling. It was a steep half-mile walk to get there, but worth the effort, reported my fellow travelers.

Photo by Chris Tertipes

Inside you could see various rooms. Though primitive, they contained doorways and wooden beams protruding through stone openings. The walls still miraculously contain markings. Touching a marking leads to an instant reprimand by a nearby guide, as my husband can attest.

The caves were carefully chosen so the morning sun warmed it in the winter and the shade offered cool protection from the summer sun.

Aside from the surprise discovery of the monument itself and the beautiful scenery, it was fascinating to learn more about the lives of the Salado (meaning salty) and their everyday lives. Men would hunt in the pre-dawn hours, bringing home a rabbit, perhaps even a wood rat, to skin and cook. Later they would set quartzite stones in mortars of clay and desert soil to construct a new room. Women would don sandals of woven yucca leaves and go the desert hillside where, carrying a gathering basket and a crude pole, they would harvest fruit from the saguaro.



Saguaro cactus in bloom

Later, during midday, this would be boiled to make jams or syrup.

I was most fascinated by the arts and crafts of the Salado. Beautiful decorated clay pots, pottery bowls, woven goods (woven primarily by men) and baskets, as well as inlaid turquoise jewelry, reaffirmed my belief that all peoples have an appreciation for artforms and creativity. Some of the preserved artifacts were displayed in the Visitor's Center and included an exquisite piece of lace.

Grandpa and Heidi return from the lower cave.
Saguaro cactus plants in background.

So next time you see a road sign that gives you even a twinge of curiosity....go explore! We were glad we did.

Freezing in Arizona

Now I know I will not get any sympathy from my fellow Minnesotans; that is, unless you planned a winter get-away week in sunny Phoenix, paying a premium for your airline tickets.

But here I go anyway: It is freezing in Arizona.

No amount of whining can get an ounce of sympathy from my brother-in-law. But we are setting records here in Arizona, a state totally unprepared for freezing water pipes and outdoor pools, and homes lacking cold-weather insulation. People just don't have down jackets and ear muffs at the ready in their closets.

This is an area where over 2,000 jailed inmates are housed in a tent sans heat and air conditioning. It is literally, a tent. It's called Tent City, set up back in 1993 after Maricopa County's infamous Sheriff Joe Arpaio refused to release any incarcerated inmates due to jail overcrowding. Tent City has stun fences around the perimeter, facial recognition computer software for inmate identification. K-9 units and patrol deputies.

Tent City


Sheriff Arpaio thinks if our troops in Afghanistan have rough and meager accommodations, well, then so should our law-breakers, by gosh. It was reported on last night's news broadcast that Sheriff Arpaio, a seemingly heartless guy, softened and ordered hot chicken soup for the fellows for dinner. He tried to arrange for hot cocoa as well but wasn't able to. Not sure I get that, but there you are.

So here on our block, plants and varieties of cacti are covered in blankets and sheets.

Our neighbor's cactus plants covered for protection.

On a morning drive, my husband and I saw huge bougainvillea trees covered as well. Their beautiful red blooms grace even our freeway landscape. The covered ones were, of course, at a private home, not the freeway.

This freeze has great cause for concern for local citrus groves and peach growers who are in danger of losing their entire harvest. They are busy around the clock trying to save the fruits (pun intended) of their labor by watering the ground around the trees first, some even resorting to spraying from a helicopter.

 

Well, the good news is, as my friend Evie in Minnesota pointed out, this abrupt climate change will last only several more days - not months, as Minnesota is accustomed to enduring.

 

But that is the whole point: Arizona is definitely NOT accustomed!

 

Christmas and cactus

Since this is our first holiday season in Arizona, we were wondering what it would be like.

No snow. No icicles. No Parkas. No winter boots, mufflers, and fleece-lined mittens. Surely it would be so different.

Well, we've discovered it is....and it isn't.

People are out decorating their houses in grand style. Icicle lights, twinkle lights, wire reindeer, Santas, angels and snowmen, all lit up at dusk. The evening news on television features houses not to be missed when you're out and about at night looking for dazzling holiday light displays.

Malls are decorated with giant Christmas trees. Holiday music is playing everywhere from grocery stores to department stores to post offices. Shopping specials are offered everywhere.

Eggnog is on the grocery store shelves, along with red and green sprinkles for cookies, candied fruits, pecans, specialty bread mixes and holiday cookie cutters in star, reindeer, gingerbread men and tree shapes.

Toy drives are being held. The Nutcracker Suite ballet is performing at the Mesa Arts Center. Holiday baking is going on in kitchens everywhere.

Just like home in Minne-snow-ta.

Except the twinkle lights are wrapped around palm trees. Wreaths are draped around Saguaro cactus plants. Holiday shopping is done in short sleeves and Capri pants. Christmas trees are all artificial. Outdoor decorating is done leisurely, with bare hands.

Neighbors are greeting one another stringing outdoor lights, without frost coming out of their mouths. Baking is done with patio doors open so all the aromas drift into your house, providing inspiration to get going yourself.

On our block, each house has a wooden Santa standing in front. So when you drive down the street, you are greeted by twenty Santas waving at you.

This is our own Santa.

And our snowman sits in our rock alongside our home.

So you see why Christmas in Arizona is at once the same and then again different than Christmas in Minnesota.

It is still the same special, magical time of year when spirits are kinder and gentler, and where the birth of the Newborn Babe of Bethlehem is celebrated.

Let it begin. Both here in Arizona, and wherever this season finds you.

Sight unseen

During this past hot summer, many, according to a local news report, were longing for winter.

Evidently, their memories had grown dim in the heat, as they seemed to have forgotten about shoveling and plowing, navigating icy roads and sidewalks, not to mention scraping windshields. Wearing five layers of clothes. Boots, mittens, scarves and earmuffs. How could anybody long for that?

Well, here it is. "Snovember," the weatherman called it last night on the evening news. Yes, we have snow in Minnesota. Several inches of sticky, slushy snow.

And we won't be sticking around long in it. Soon, we will head south to Arizona, to our new mobile home we purchased late last spring. Sight unseen.

Last winter, when we spent a month in Tucson, we decided to spend the rest of our retirement winters in a warm, sunny environ. We debated about settling in one spot every year versus traveling around. We also debated about spending our retirement funds to purchase real estate versus having the ability to travel to far corners of the earth on a series of shorter vacations.

We opted to settle in one place for the winter.

So one day, while in Tucson, we took a two-hour drive to Mesa, where our good friends, the Minars, have a winter home. They are in a large mobile home park, called The Resort.

The Biseks and the Minars

We loved their mobile home, and as we toured the park with them and they explained the park's amenities, we thought we might check into the homes for sale while we were there for the day.

We looked at a few, but none seemed to be satisfactory. We had hoped to find a corner lot, and a home with two bedrooms. However, we did like the park and all it had to offer.

After returning home to Minnesota, we looked online for homes available in the park, either to rent or to buy.

Lo and behold. There was one available with a corner lot and two bedrooms. It was on the same street as the Minars, about five houses away.

We wasted no time. Mary Kay and Bob agreed to look at it for us and call us with a description and their valued opinion. Bob is a contractor, so he would evaluate from a structural perspective. Mary Kay and I share the same decorating taste, and expectations for a clean home, so she would tell me if she liked its appearance.

We could hardly wait for their phone call.

They both agreed: it was a nice home, structurally sound with good design, well kept, and clean. They assured us it was one they would buy themselves.

We called the owner, made an offer, it was accepted. We owned a home in Arizona!

Our new winter home

Mary Kay and Bob came home with photos they took of every room, and practically every nook and cranny of our new home. We were so excited to see the pictures, and we concluded the home exceeded our expectations.

So, off we'll go. The day after Christmas.

To the sun and warmth. To the wonder and beauty of Arizona and the peaceful desert.

To our new home. Which we bought.
Sight unseen.

Arizona beauty

Last winter, shortly after I retired, my husband and I enjoyed a month-long stay in Tucson. This was a generous retirement gift from our friends, the Pipers, who spend winters there.
It was their way of introducing us to the beauty of Arizona.

We spent the month in the Piper's casita, an adobe guesthouse, situated in the foothills of the Catalina Mountains.


We explored the wonders of the desert and learned a bit about the many varieties of cacti growing there. We hiked at Catalina State Park, Saguaro National Park, and the Arizona-Sonora Desert museum and botanical garden. We marveled at the majesty of it all.

The sunsets were indescribable. Our granddaughter, Heidi, captured this photo outside our casita.


She and husband, Chris, drove from their home in Las Vegas to spend a weekend with us. Heidi is an excellent photographer, evidenced by these photos:




Nearby was a wonderful Farmer's Market held every weekend at St. Philip's Plaza. We tried some interesting foods that were new to us: Jack in the Bean soup and Mill Creek Mexican lime olive oil.

We took a day trip to Tubac, about an hour south of Tucson. Tubac is an "artsy" community with many interesting shops and artisans at work. Lunch at the Old Tubac Inn is highly recommended if you visit. Their Center for the Arts was fabulous.

Being a former member of the U.S. Air Force, we had to visit the Pima Air and Space Museum with 80 acres of aviation history. George loved walking around the large field of old planes. (Me? I toured the gift shop, bought a book, The Fighter Pilot's Wife, sat on a wonderful stone bench outside in the sun and read.)

Our month went by too fast, and we were sad to be leaving the amazing beauty, and warmth of the sun, of Arizona.

But, while there, in our new retirement life, we vowed to return. Maybe even invest in a winter home there.

To be continued...