Some time ago, October 20, 2020 to be exact, I quoted this verse in a post called “Peace, my friend.” It was written by my pastor and friend, Sarah Kerkes and published in a book called Terra Incognita.
Caretaker of my soul,
Be gentle with me,
For I am tender and tired
Battered with the bruises
Of life and loss and love.
I have recalled this verse many times in the almost two years since my beloved husband passed. I can tell you that my Caretaker has been with me every step of the way just as He promised. I will not leave you nor forsake you; lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the earth. (Hebrews 13:5)
Evidence of this was seen by the caring people of my church's grief group, all in various stages of their own grief journeys. The support I received took my grief from raw and unbearable, to getting through the day, to adjusting to my new role as widow, to acceptance, to feeling hope, and finally, to the peace and happiness I enjoy today.
More evidence came in the form of a nudge to get outside of myself and do something that matters and benefits others. My pastor assigned me to visit an elderly woman named Elaine in an assisted living facility in our community. At 96, Elaine had a treasure trove of stories and as she recalled them, they brought me inspiration and energy. As Elaine’s health declined, she moved into a shared room at the nearby care facility. Visiting her there, I marveled at her sense of contentment, always smiling so graciously, sharing her joy.
The next time I visited, Elaine had visibly changed. Slumped in her chair covered with a blanket and wearing an oxygen mask, she had obviously grown very weak. She told me she wasn’t eating because she had no appetite. I knew this meant the end was near. We shared Holy Communion and gentle hugs and I left. Elaine passed away last week, shortly after I had visited.
Of the two of us, without a doubt, I was the more richly blessed.
I began volunteering at our church office and again, I got much more from this than the office did. I was able to use my organizational and other skills from my past career and I felt a satisfying sense of accomplishment. Though a volunteer, I felt part of the church staff.
Why do I write about this today? For some reason, the verse written by Sarah Kerkes came to mind this morning. I was reflecting on the changes of the past two years, adjusting to grief, moving my residence, meeting and adding to my life a wonderful man. And I know the Caretaker of my soul was indeed gently and patiently guiding me through these changes.
So if you’re in a tough spot and finding it difficult to move toward that proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel” — trust that it’s there and keep moving toward it. The caretaker of your soul will help you get there.
Thank you for reading my ramblings and random thoughts.
